30,000 Monkies - 'Are Forever' Album Review

Tracklist:

1. Miles Of Smiles

2. A Gift

3. An Earnest And Sincere Feeling

4. He-Men

5. The Fist Of Impending Joy

6. And Ever

7. Cluck Me Up

As the parent of two small kids with access to a variety of instruments, I figured I would be well equipped to delve into the monstrous cacophony of Noise Rock. I listen heavy, I live heavy and I'm willing to take on anything anyone wants to grace my ear holes with. Having already found an image online featuring members of Belgium's 30,000 Monkies merrily surfing through space atop a giant waffle I assumed I knew what was ahead of me.

Headphones in, deep breath...play.

True to the image I had created, the album opens with a sound byte from a personal favourite internet clip. I was already smiling.

What followed...*pause for effect*...I could only even begin to describe in this way.

I want you to imagine you've found yourself at the gates of Hell. I won't ask why, that's your business you naughty little fuck. After several hours of admission paperwork and a rather uncomfortable horn fitting appointment you are informed that the big man himself has requested a personal meeting with you. Apprehensive and a little excited you start the bleak journey to El Diablo's office. Past the fiery pits and screaming tortured souls, stopping only to say a quick hello to your inexplicably racist grandmother. As you arrive at Devil HQ you are escorted to the top floor by disturbingly sexy demon secretary and shown the door. After a few seconds to compose yourself you open it to find Satan himself...deep in the most aggressive fury wank you could possibly imagine. He catches your eye and, spurred on by the look of shock on your face, climaxes. As his demon dong does its doings he lets out a mighty sound...that sound is 30,000 Monkies 'Are Forever.'

Let me be very clear. This is beyond anything I'd heard before. It's chaotic, unnatural and down right savage. Obviously this is deliberate and whatever the fuck it is these guys do, they do it well. I couldn't even start to figure out how to break 'Are Forever' down song by song. To be honest, I don't think it's needed. This album needs to be experienced as a whole. I strongly recommend, if you are that way inclined, giving it a shot. It's not going to be prominent in your playlists going forward but 30,000 Monkies have given birth to something that may not be enjoyed but certainly should be studied.

It's not one for a family gathering, unless your family are stone cold psychopaths but I would urge anyone brave enough to attempt to unravel this unprecedented circus of fuck, good luck...